dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
