I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you win again, gameday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
