he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
