I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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