you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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