I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
