And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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