just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
