Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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