Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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