Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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