I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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