Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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