when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
