Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
