i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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