we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
