My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
