My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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