get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
