i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Im part way to drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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