it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
