I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
