I'm really into asian looking animals
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
