Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
