Swine flu is the new snow day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
