mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We are two peas in an std pod
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
