I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
