wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
