Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
