I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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