I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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