Can i not drive my cunt home
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
