Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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