I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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