her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
