why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
