dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
