I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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