She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
