Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
