he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
