Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
