we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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