we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
