We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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