low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
there is puke in my bra ... again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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