Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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