Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Congratulations! We have a period
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
