No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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