You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
