i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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