i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
