if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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