She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
