I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
